I would like to have been able to say I am doing OK and calm and at peace but the truth is yesterday and today I am really struggling. It's not that I wanted to be at the funeral, it's just that now it is final and that just breaks my heart, I really just want my big brother back and am so sad today. It's hard watching everyone go about their normal life - of course for me this is all consuming and I can't see what else could be of any importance to anyone. I feel sort of angry about the insignificance of everything else. Roly would want to give me a quick slap and tell me to get on with it, but there's tomorrow for that.
Last night I scrapped though - just a page about Josh with a photo I loved from Healesville Sanctuary.
I'm going to take a few days to just do not very much of any importance. I think that will be good for me. Night lovelies. Sorry this is not a happy place to be today but if you are reading you care about me, so will be OK with that.